thoughts on a tuesday

i don't know what it is about an impending trip that makes me have a (seemingly) never-ending cluster of thoughts. like...we can't forget our bug spray and yoga mats; oh, and i need to write the rent check by tomorrow; shoot, i only have one day off when we get back; what kind of treat should i bring? - well obviously something that will last through a 6-hour drive and five days of semi-camping.

but more than the little nit-picky to-do's in my mind, i feel inundated with bigger thoughts...

--i'm hoping that by pursuing my doula certification, i will have more opportunities to grow in my career. i can be the L&D nurse, practicing work as a doula on the side, preparing for a future in midwifery. it's all so exciting, but scary as hell. big girl decisions with big girl responsibilities.

--should we move out of los angeles? am i afraid of making a dramatic change? we're going to check out the bay area after we get hitched, and then make a decision: los angeles, seattle, or berkley. i love this time of not knowing, of just living day-to-day, but it's killing me too. what are we going to call home?

--speaking of home, why couldn't we make costa rica our home? we know we love it, we speak the predominant language, the ease and joy of everyday life settle well with us, and we both have career options: g pursuing a bed and breakfast and me working in a birth center. is it a calling? is this the time to live our dream? when is there ever a "good" time to be spontaneous?

--i want to get another tattoo and i know exactly what i want. it's just a matter of when...

--mama and daddy are celebrating 30 years of marriage in june. g and i are getting married four months later. i think it's interesting how we can be so sure of some things (and people), while living a life of even more uncertainties. i don't know what to make of it, so instead of fighting it, i will choose to go with the flow. because if i've learned anything in these 27 years, it's that life is so much sweeter when we just let go and live it.