here's to you

with thanksgiving a couple days away, i can't help but think about those who have to be away from their families, working. i have no intention of writing this as a pity party for myself (i am scheduled to work thanksgiving night), but rather acknowledge those people who have to spend most, or all, of the holiday clocking in hours for the convenience of the public. 

you know, the workers at grocery stores. or the line cooks and chefs at restaurants. you have to respect the bakers who are slaving away in the wee morning hours to provide your holiday pies, and of course, the starbucks baristas who are satisfying your caffeine requirement as you finish last-minute prep for guests. and lord help those people who have to work at department stores, being separated from their families to indulge the black friday crowds. 

this thanksgiving, whether you are at home with family and friends or working all day and night, i wish you a day filled with appreciation, blessings, and a mighty full stomach. 

it was a big weekend

this past weekend, g, chase, and i packed the gypsy caravan and headed to monterey to run a race. we had been planning this weekend for months, using any excuse to get out of town and revisit one of our favorite places in california - the central coast.

although our intention to visit monterey was to run a race, we ended up doing much, much more. we explored and dreamed, documented our findings and recharged for the exciting times ahead. i won't divulge too much here and now, but i will say this:

the juxtaposition of the mountains and the sea - the clusters of cypress converging with the vibrant waves - evokes a sense of peace within. two dynamic forces, becoming one. monterey and big sur embody everything i have with g - an organic harmony, a spirited peace, an ever-evolving unity that is only assured through respect. and love. 

all of this to say, we are excited for next year's happenings :)

my current jam

i love it when songs or albums speak to me, reach me at a specific time in my life for reasons unknown. when this happens, i am compelled to let that music warm my heart, stretch my smile, and bring me to a state of peace - essentially enter my sound system in full force.

bless g for his patience as songs are played on repeat, sometimes shuffled for a little variation. the greatest part about these music epiphanies is that they are unique to this time, this moment. i can still recall the album-of-the-time when g and i were driving our rental car in puerto rico (The National's high violet). there will always be Buena Vista Social Club playing in the background when we eat at home, and good ol' Bob Dylan when we are setting up for a dinner party.

i don't know why certain music does what it does at specific times, but years down the line, i'll be excited to associate the following song and group to right now - this magical time when g and i prepare for the rest of our lives.

i can't get enough of them

oh, fall, how i love thee. the grandest season for all things comforting, cozy, and downright lovely. from the warm spices to the golden hues, i am swooned by your rustic elegance.

and the pears. oh, your gracious bounty of sweet pears! red and yellow, brown and green, the variety of  this luscious fruit makes my heart skip a beat. i find myself caught in a battle against time - the lists of pear treats to bake with the limited days of this season. pear cakes and breads. a roasted mix-in for oatmeal. thin slices savored with bleu cheese. pears drunken in wine. the possibilities are endless!

i am a glutton, i admit it. but what a way to indulge with the finest fruit at our fingertips!

jaded

i feel jaded. work on the labor & delivery unit has been particularly difficult lately with unexpected losses, complicated cases, and a fair share of ethical dilemmas. i'm exhausted - physically, mentally, emotionally. 

every day i walk onto the unit, i fee like i have to dress myself in protective armor so i can survive the imminent battles before me. during the past couple of shifts, i've even caught myself trading in the armor for a layer of thick skin - practically desensitizing myself to the surrounding storm.

i don't want to be that person anymore. i don't want to be numb to tragedy and misfortune. i don't want to feel emotionally decapitated, deplete of sorrow and empathy. remind me of that person who cried when my patient cried, who hurt when my patient hurt. i'm tired of protecting myself to do "the work." my "work" is human life - both welcoming it and paying its respects. i know who i am underneath the jadedness - i just need to dig deep to retrieve her.