when your teeth fall out

yesterday, i woke up with vivid recollections of the night's dream. it was the second time that i had this particular dream - so detailed and personal to really catch me off guard. the first time i had this dream, i brushed it off as just another bizarre scenario or fantasyland, a possible indication that i may have eaten too much spicy food or drank too much wine. but this second time, i felt compelled to learn what it meant to dream about your teeth falling out. 

in my dream, i was going about my business, when all of a sudden, my teeth started falling out - first, one at a time, then by the bucketload. it wasn't painful. as a matter of fact, i felt some relief. erica in dream world didn't freak out or panic; she was just surprised.

i didn't realize what i had dreamt until the late morning. after a very easy search of "dreams about teeth falling out," i was granted some clarity. as with any dream, there were negative and positive meanings, all subject to the dreamer's interpretation.

the "negatives:"

-- insecurities, especially about personal loss
-- a compromise that is costly to you
-- life changes and growing pains
-- fear of becoming older

the "positives:"

--signs of personal expansion
-- wish or need to nurture yourself more carefully
-- an invitation to explore feelings of personal growth
-- times of renewal and rebirth

with a little self-analysis, it didn't seem illogical to have this particular dream right now. for 10 weeks starting mid-february, i will be taking on a new role at work, committing all my time to orienting a nurse in labor and delivery. the responsibility and energy required to fulfill this role does, in fact, feel like a compromise - compromising my free time, vacation plans, time to just be normal and stress-free. it's a huge step in my professional journey, and naturally, i feel insecure and inadequate for the position. i don't want to lose myself in this process. as i teach and model and support, i want to learn and grow and overcome. and i guess that's where the "positive" meanings come into play.

during these 10 weeks, it will be essential for me to recognize my needs and be intentional with satisfying them. i must seek out my support system and remember that i'm not alone. this is an exciting opportunity, a step forward in my personal growth, and although life is just swell the way it is now, it's time for me to challenge myself. put my big-girl panties on and greet a new day.

ironically, i turn 28 in a couple of weeks. i am beyond thrilled to be where i am at this time in my life, and feel incredibly blessed/freaked-out/relieved that my teeth fell out the way they did: in dream world, for the purpose of shedding light on something deeper.

wish me luck!

slowing down

knock on wood, but i don't get sick often. and when i do, i'm the worst.

i've been in bed the last two days, battling a fever, body aches, sneezes, and a wretched cough that would signal you to run in the opposite direction. i'm sick, i know it. but i have the hardest time succumbing to the general malaise and fatigue. i don't want to be cooped up inside all day. given a choice between sleeping and going out for a run, i prefer the latter. any sane person knows that sick equates to rest, but because i am hardly ever in this condition, it takes a while for me to understand. (and i'm a freakin' nurse, for goodness sakes)!!

so this is my mental monologue, my streaming line of consciousness.

i, in fact, know very well how to take time to step away and rest. a massage, a leisurely walk, a cup of tea and treat. i treasure those times. however, they are on my conditions, when i am ready. and that's where i find that i am having a hard time recovering from this illness. i did not prepare for being sick, feeling deplete, or sleeping hours on end. this time was not accounted for in my work week, written down strategically in my moleskin. time is flying by, checklists need to be crossed off, and i am here, curled up in bed feeling sorry for myself.

however.

i read this excerpt from kinfolk recently, and it absolutely resonated with me:

"winter offers us a reprieve from summer's outdoor happy hours and the autumn weekends away; a season-sanctioned rest period. it turns us in - indoors, inward, intimate - and in these ways, causes us to shift form. like the leaves and long evenings, certain qualities of ours seem to fade and make way for a new identity."  --annu subramanian

like winter, this illness is a season. it's an inherent cue for us to respect ourselves enough to slow down. rest. heal. to allow nature to run its course, and in so doing, come out better than before. and that's what i want to do: follow the commands of my body and be better for it.