respect

i hold so much respect for those who do what they want to do. really go out of their element to pursue something implanted in their heart.

g is one of those people. he feels like learning to sew? so he borrows my mom's sewing machine and heads downtown to the fashion district for material. he feels like brewing his own ginger beer? so he buys some glass bottles, pours in his concoction, and waits patiently for the fermentation. how about hiking half dome in the middle of the night without permits or sunlight? yeah, well he'll do that too (and  he'll also convince me to go with him). 

of late, g has been interested in playing the guitar. so he fastened that dream tightly to his soul, bought a guitar and enlisted himself in guitar classes at the community college. just like that.

i like to think of myself as that person who also takes the leap and does what she wants to do. but am i? i have dreams like harvesting my own garden and apprenticing as a baker and taking ceramics and becoming a doula and raising rabbits for slaughter. but why the heck am i not doing these things? part of me feels that i have my heart set on seattle, and that i'm afraid to invest in some of these dreams here in la. oftentimes i feel like a coward for "waiting" for the move north, but a bigger part of me says screw it, hold onto those dreams for the place you can call home. at the moment, i have to agree with the latter.

in the meantime, i will continue to find joy in the miracles that have been blossoming lately. and i will sit back sipping ginger beer, listening to g practice his guitar.