"pretend it didn't happen..."

it was mid-afternoon. lunch had been eaten. a nap had been taken. lounging in my comfies, it couldn't have been a more perfect time for a treat. hmm, i'm in the mood for chocolate, i told g. why don't you just make brownies? we have all the ingredients here, replied g. now God bless his soul -- g, who a.) prefers food made by scratch and b.) owns just about every kitchen aid imaginable -- but i was in no mood to put my hands to work, wait for the finished product, and then enjoy.

 i was ready to fashion my regular clothes, jump in the car, and visit my favorite bakery for an always-satisfying brownie. but no. there he was, taking the butter out from the fridge and weighing chocolate by the ounce. i thought to myself, it is the first day of november, and i'm already comfy at home. sure, let's do it. 


even though i was the one with the urgent need for a sweet, g willingly joined the brownie project. (actually, he was probably terrified by the glazed look on my face). as far as i was concerned, it was teamwork at its best. more hands for quicker results.

in the oven for 35-40 minutes. i watched five-minute increments slowly pass by. to distract myself from the intoxicatingly delectable aroma permeating throughout, i did laundry. checked my email. went to the bathroom...twice. and then the time came. it was brownie-readiness checking time. i eased a chopstick into the center, praying for a clean stick. damn. they're still fudgy.

so back into the oven they went. five painstakingly long minutes later, it was readiness test again. hmm, there are still traces of fudge. i had to make a decision: put the brownies back into the oven with the risk of over-baking, or keep them as is and let their fudgy goodness set. of course, i chose the latter.

but before i could slice into the sweet masterpiece, the pan had to be cooled. damn, again. it was at this moment when i looked at g and doubted his grand idea of a homemade treat. i was past overdue. sweet (or terrified) guy he is, he suggested cooling the pan outside, where it was windy and cool.

after some dreadful cooling time, it was time to slice and enjoy. however, with each slice came a fudge-covered knife. seriously?! they must be ready! maybe the recipe is right on: they're FUDGY brownies, said g. i accepted g's rationale and continued on.

g could barely eat his piece, too sweet for him to stomach. and i - the treat obsessor - could not take consecutive bites without a gulp of tea in between. fudgy. sweet. way too decadent. maybe even undercooked. but i didn't stop. my body was resisting the sweetness, while my mind said keep going. you wanted a treat, didn't you?


so i finished my entire piece. i felt nauseated. i felt ashamed. i looked at g and asked, do you mind if i throw these out? without hesitation, g replied, not one bit. let's just pretend this didn't happen.


ha! easy for you to say!