the search

as much as i hate it, i am on the search for a new apartment. my roommate of two years is moving to san francisco, and although i am excited for her pursuits, i cringe at the idea of leaving my home. my home. the place at which i've transitioned into this self, where i've developed a community, where i've filled every nook and cranny with something meaningful to me. yes, my apartment is old and, yes, it has its fair share of flaws, but after two years of negotiating its imperfections, i've grown to love it. every bit of it.

some people say it's a great opportunity to find something "better." others add, "you won't have a problem creating a new home. it's a good transition." but WAIT! i'm perfectly happy here. what's not to love about being walking distance to all things needed, in the heart of brentwood? and what about the shelf space for my vases? or the deep ceramic sink for washing dishes, trimming flowers, rinsing fresh produce? and the shutter windows...instant (and free) air conditioning! in the past few days, i've come to recognize that i'm not the biggest proponent of change - at least not for matters of the home. but i'm okay with that.

yesterday was day one of physically looking - or better yet, scowling - at apartments. two apartments, and i was already discouraged. no, i don't like the view. where am i going to store my cookware? not enough natural lighting. where would i ever host a dinner party? i know they were only two apartments, but they were two apartments that failed to evoke any excitement.

faith. that's exactly what i need to get through this search. but to be honest, the idea of biting the rent bullet and staying at my place doesn't sound that bad. stay tuned.