on making it official

i love g, there's no doubt about it. we've certainly matured in our relationship, through traveling, moving in together, and seeing each other at our highest and lowest. we made a commitment months ago - that through the foggiest and clearest of days, we would love each other unconditionally. months ago, g and i started talking about marriage.

it was then that i had already said yes. yes to sorting through his laundry. yes to giving him a bite of my treat. yes to waking up when he gets home late at night to hear about his day. when we talked about marriage, i was saying yes to being a lifetime companion to the man i love.

to express this faithfulness to g, i didn't need an ambush or stadium jumbo-tron, nor did i need him kneeling on a knee under the eiffel tower. all i needed, and will ever need, is his love in return.

fast-forward to september 29, 2013. g, chase, and i set out for paso robles for a short getaway. not only did we seek respite from the daily grind, but we also had to stock up on wine for the upcoming season. we stayed in a charming guest house atop a hill in the countryside. the night we arrived, we sat on the deck for hours, heedless of the cold as the blanket of stars above wrapped us in their illuminating warmth. i eventually made my way inside, tucked into bed, and began reading the tao of pooh. g followed shortly after and laid beside me. as i read, i came across these lines:

"well, an old taoist saying puts it this way: 'a thousand-mile journey starts with one step.' so i think that we will start at the beginning..."

g and i then started talking about our journey together and how it has taken one step at a time to move forward. our first out-of-town trip. meeting the family. crying together. raising a dog. at that point, 10:30 pm on september 29th, we locked hands and sealed them with a kiss as we took another step forward in our lifetime as one: with a tangible symbol on my finger, we announced that we were engaged.

the rest of the trip, we continued to do our thing: drinking wine, chatting up a storm, and crossing our fingers that just perhaps, we might win the lotto (and move abroad and build a house and never work again)! 

public announcement or not, i will love g in a way i can hardly comprehend, and i will continue to say yes to that kind of intensity until the end of time. 

cozies

with fall among us, i cannot conceal my love for cozies. you know, wool socks at bedtime, sweatpants tucked into slippers, a whirlwind of fleece throws piled on the bed, and lying in the fetal position with or without a certain someone positioned as the outer spoon.

everyone seems to make a big deal about summer. you've heard it: oooh, the beeeaachh! sunbathing and watermelon and late sunsets! summer dresses, popsicles, and outdoor fun!!

i don't mean to be a pessimist, but to all that, i can't help but think: the beach, the crowds. sunbathing and dehydration, late sunsets and a pain-in-the-butt hard time going to bed early. summer dresses - man, i should probably shave my legs. popsicles - refreshing, but also messy and rather unsatisfying. outdoor fun? only if it's not blistering hot.

fall-time, now THAT'S what i'm talking about. let's be real, have you ever heard anyone complain about the conditions that inspire the cozies? have you ever come across anyone say: aww man, i guess i'll just have to pour myself a cup of chai and slip into jammies since it's all chilly outside. gosh darn it, now i have to eat a bowl of hearty chili and snuggle next to (_____ ) since the combination of the two warms me best.

nope, i've never encountered such a being. and that's probably because the season of the cozies is truly magical!

note: if you have met a cozies-skeptic, send him/her my way. i'll show them the way to Snuggle Town, USA even if i have to lure them with alpaca wool.

on being a big, big girl: part 2

if you frequent this blog, you may recall a certain post in which i announced my coming-of-age: going to a proper bra fitting and purchasing the appropriate undergarment for my not-so-teen-like-anymore bosom. i also learned during that awakening that quality bras can easily put you back some mulah. like many things, quality comes with a price.

over these last few months of feeling lovely and womanly and outright perky, i have gone at lengths to take care of my support system. i refuse to wear my big-girl bras (at least the quality ones) to work for fear they will get stretched out from all the activity on the unit. if anything, the trusty sports bra is the better option since, most days, i feel like i'm running a marathon. i also try to store my pretty, big-girl bras in their own corner of my undergarment drawer so as to prevent them from getting crushed or lost in the abyss.

now you see, everything is fine and dandy with this extra TLC, but i have to be honest here: i hate how they have to be washed by hand!

long gone are the days of arranging all my dirty clothes into a single pile for washing. i used to combine my pile with g's, separate the whites from colors, and throw them into the machine in one fell swoop. thirty minutes on the timer, and out they would go for drying. that was it. i was free to live life uninterrupted.

now that i am a big, big girl, i have to fish for my "quality" bras, separate them, take them to the sink, and wash them by hand. and that's not all! they then have to be air-dryed. it's such a stinkin' process, i almost regret investing in these lady-like bras. the extra time to wash them feels so cumbersome.

but then i have to remember that i am 26, and i am a big, big girl, and when you become a big, big girl, you have to accept the responsibilities. so there is my tantrum. i am finished. and now i will go wash my bra.

i ate a pear

i ate a pear and it was lovely.

the slightest hint of honey, and with it, the promise of fall. with each bite came a glimpse of those things which i eagerly await: hot tea sipped in bed, wool socks barely covering my knees, stews and braises, cinnamon-spiked bread and apple-laced cakes. the deep red of the pear's skin reminded me of the early setting sun, the slowly changing leaves, glasses of pinot on a cozy night.

and as the juice dripped down my lips, i couldn't help but feel seduced - this tangible emblem of fall, warming my heart, delighting my spirit, and yet the the season is still out of reach. a glimmer beyond, a truth unspoken.

damn, it's still hot.

reminders

sometimes i need reminders like this to get me through the week. or even the day...

i need to be reminded that i ran the race, i crossed the finish line, and i had people cheering for me along the way. 

a new position at work has challenged me physically, mentally, and emotionally. not only has the L&D unit experienced an absurd influx of patients, but my novelty as charge nurse has put me in a state of self-doubt and constant apprehension. in a place where i thought i could be a positive contribution to a patient's life-giving milestone, i feel stressed, depleted, and alone. 

i know this is a new season at work and that i've been promoted to this position because others believe i'm prepared for it, but i want to believe i can do it. i want to have faith in myself. 

so this reminder - of me completing my first half-marathon - gives me hope that i can run this new race. that i can have a goal, strengthen myself for it, and though it will undoubtedly be challenging to  accomplish, i will always have love and support to fuel me. and who knows, there might even be a latin lover ringing a cowbell when i come home!

back to where it all started

i can officially say (or exclaim with pure joy!!) that i will be waking up here in exactly one month...

i knew mama and i were two peas in a pod, with her love for paris comparable to mine. to this day, a little over a year from our last trip, we continue to reminisce about the impeccable baguette, the idyllic gardens, and the picturesque way of parisian life. 

big things will be happening in the next couple years, so this getaway to paris will be that much more significant. me and mama. best friends in the city that will forever take my breath away. i like to think that it was in paris where i learned that love - this complex emotion - can make you feel so raw and alive and beautiful and vulnerable and grateful and, somehow, whole. i like to think that it was in paris where i was primed to meet the love of my life. 

and so now, as i embrace the love that is manifested through g, i will go back to where it all started. me, the most important woman in my life, and our insatiable appetites for all things delectable.

my sentiments exactly

i just finished re-reading a homemade life by molly wizeneberg, the creator of the (greatest!) blog orangette. i love her. she has this way with words that makes you feel like you are best of friends. sometimes i have these visions of me and g meeting molly, her husband and her sweet bebe at gasworks park for a picnic, watching the sailboats glide on lake union with the seattle skyline as our backdrop. (oh yeah, seattle is her hometown...i'm not just making this up)!

this passage from molly's book is exactly why i think we would get along fabulously:

"a classic among classic french desserts, tarte Tatin is essentially a sexed-up apple pie - a housewife in stilettos, you could say. it starts with wedges of apple caramelized to a deep amber, their juices mingling in butter and sugar to yield a complex flavor that verges on hard cider. covered with a sheet of puff pastry, baked to golden, and then inverted, the apples sit coyly atop their many-layered blanket like Ingres's Grande Odalisque on her chaise. dolloped with creme fraiche, tarte Tatin doesn't dally with small talk. it reaches for your leg under the table."

my sentiments exactly. there are times when i feel like my mind and body undergo this ethereal experience after eating a treat, and instead of having visions of sugarplum fairies and unicorns flying over rainbows, i envision naughtiness, not unlike molly's description of tarte Tatin. i mean, really, who wouldn't want to be friends with someone who thinks of food in such a scandalous way?!

speaking of scandal...

...i will see you soon, pierre herme!